Sometimes we forget who we are. Life gets in the way, then we adjust.
So the other day,I was on the phone with an old friend; Kekeli.
We met in first year at the University.
It was in a psychology class.
When the class ended, we were asked to present an assignment.
Our lecturer told us to write our five year plan into a new exercise book.
As I waited in line, to present my work, I stood behind Kekeli.
Then, I saw Kekeli placing his book under another person’s book like what some of us used to do in basic school so that our teacher wouldn’t see our work first ?
When I saw him do that, I laughed and that caught his attention. He said something hilarious that I can’t remember now.
We connected right away and we walked out of the class walking and talking like we knew each other, but the first time we ever saw each other was that day.
He asked for my number before I joined my hostel bus.
I remember he was very mature for his age.
He still is very mature for his age.
So in University we had a good friendship but school got hard in the years ahead and we completely lost contact.
We reconnected again on Snapchat and we started talking just catching up.
I told him I had lost my confidence and I had no idea who I am.
I was telling him just to make conversation, also the Kekeli I thought I knew would have teased me just to lighten the mood but he didn’t.
Instead, he started telling me things about myself I had forgotten and had totally downplayed about myself but those were the things he said he liked about me.
He said I stood out in a crowd not because I am tall but because I am different and a little awkward ?
And I asked him, is that a good thing?
He said “yes, if I am to ever see you in a crowd now, you would definitely be the one I would walk up to, to start a conversation with.”
“Not because you are pretty” he added.
“of course, you are very pretty and I would love to talk to a pretty face but it is also because, from a distance with your awkward mannerisms you look really smart and I know I would like talking to you”
He wasn’t the first person saying that about me, I have heard it before.
Then he continued
“ The Lilian I remember, she was amazing, beautiful, slightly shy and incredibly smart. I used to admire you for that. You were just amazing to talk to every single day. Look, anytime I’d come to you or we meet somewhere to talk, the whole time we spoke I am looking at you and I am interested in the conversation we are having because you used to amaze me. I remember I used to think about it a lot whenever I left your side”
He said this in a voice note on Snapchat and I told him I would save it and listen to it from time to time to remind myself how amazing I am.
He probably has no idea what he has done for me. But Kekeli, if you ever get to read this, know that your words were kind and true and they changed my life.
Now, I really do remember who I was when you came into my life in first year.
I was strong, confident, even though I was slightly shy. Yes, and we used to talk a lot. It’s good to know you found me incredibly smart, I would start believing that more.
I remember a couple of years ago, I made a friend with a doctor just because I was polite.
I wasn’t having the best of days that day but when I got to his consulting room I was very polite. I was just being my normal self and saying my “Yes pleases” and “ thank yous” just like my mama has taught me to, but he was intrigued by how polite and lady like I was.
He said he hasn’t seen anyone like me in quite a long time and God knows he meets a lot of patients.
He broke his tradition of never being friends with a patient then took the risk of giving me his number because he wanted to get to know me better. Not in the way you naughty lots are thinking by the way ?
We didn’t talk at all when he took my number, a couple of weeks went by and I posted something funny on my Whatsapp status and he commented with a laugh.
His message reminded me of him, I had forgotten about him.
He was on leave at that time and had some time on his hands so he started texting.
He wasn’t used to being that free, he being a doctor and all, so he wanted someone to keep him busy and chatty.
So I just chatted and kept him company because I was off work that day.
And just like what Kekeli had said to me, the doctor felt the same.
He found me incredibly smart in the couple of hours I texted with him.
“ You are not just polite, you are also very smart” he texted out of nowhere.
I asked him what he meant because I knew I hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary to merit such a compliment.
Then he replied ” the way you ask your questions, and the things you say are very smart. I am a doctor and I am expected to be the smartest but talking to you gets me thinking and wondering”
It was very good to read such compliments about myself from a stranger.
So when I heard Kekeli’s voice note it reminded me of this doctor. And it got me thinking and believing that I am actually really dope!
I overthink and stress myself to be perfect when I am perfect just the way I am.
Without trying, I leave footprints in people’s lives. I am amazing!
I have a couple of friends who come to me for advice about life, and sometimes about relationships.
I don’t mean to brag but I count it as a blessing when people remember me when they need sound advice, a prayer, or a supportive friend. One they know wouldn’t judge them.
I am grateful I am the friend you all reach out to, and I am more glad that every time you do, I am able to help you.
So there, it turns out I am not as unworthy like I always choose to believe.
I am Lilian, or you can say Maafia Nhyira like you readers know me to be.
I am an amazing young woman, beautiful, incredibly smart, polite, every inch a lady like my friend Kukua puts it.
True we all have our low moments but I have decided never to let any low moment define who I really am on the inside.
I can’t believe I forgot to say I am a child of God, that should have certainly come first. I am made in His image so who He is I am. I am awesome, I am awesome!
And not forgetting my precious family, I thank God for the family I have, I am blessed.
Whew! Thanks for coming this far and thanks for reading my corny feelings, it means a lot.I just needed to think and express these feelings out loud.
I sure do hope after reading this, you too would start believing in yourself because as much as you think you aren’t doing great, there are a lot of people rooting for you.
You can only be yourself, your true self. Own it. Believe it and the world would adjust.
Love yourself enough to know you are deserving and worth every good thing God has planned for you. You are worth it.
To my real friends, you all know yourselves, I wish I can mention names but I don’t want to leave anyone out and hurt his or her feelings ?.
So to anyone that has seen something good in me Thank You, Thank you ?
You are amazing too, believe it and change your world and your life. ♥️
PS: I chose to use that photo because that’s one of Kekeli’s favorite photo of me. Forgive the “Rawlings chain”. Slim things; back in the day I thought I was a model ?